Tobacco Memory
(Heavens for those who come across being let down with wax crayons)—that was my say as long as she was upset and sad, in my capacity of being her doctor, on the contrary, she turned a blind eye to my advice in adverse refusal to recognition of the identity of the medication physician by the beloved lifelong companion. Maybe, she condoned that reality as well, as for my feelings towards this fact, the meticulous detail of such momentum lasted with us for long as we shouldn’t Let others share in.
She anxiously was frank with me that all know and she met with their looks with sort of suspicion, alongside with the messages delivered to her with obnoxious cordial friendliness by that new trainee —which bothered her ears to the extent that she resorted to a center of cosmetics or plastic surgery to assure that injection of her facial skin was safe and sound, since I glimpsed her face gestures and features so gorgeous and breath-taking unlike her viewership of herself. The flattery of one of the audience presence on her costume was enough for her to get rid of her favorite clothing color and dispense with to put it away in the wardrobe forever. She knew well that they were calling her eerie with peculiar attitudes as depicted in ironic satire for her Persistence to turn off valves of gas and water before leaving for work, she felt secure when all partners were adherent and attached to their seats when she was about to go to the toilet. Despite all of these manifest-clear mannerisms and factual tendencies, I kept close to her and never depart as I was keen that she kept quiet and overwhelmed with tranquility among them. Years went by as they were whispering around her, but she was then indifferent to their conjecture and claims, and that was my medical recipe I granted her in the last session, on her way to my appointment, she passed her time trying to find an answer to potential inquiries of mine in sort of concoctions and lies to decieve me and disclose the fact, huh, I knew that obstinate fastidious trials as she never unfold the reality of her distrust to others the same as I was enrolled to endless list of those abominated and outrageous folk she detested, side by side with her loss of confidence in my ability to cure her since I told her I couldn’t sense the retardedness and worsening situation of smoking Rothman cigs, as I am still smoking simultaneously! The talk by which she burst into wrath and rage, didn’t she lose trust in the name of a cigarette, perhaps…
While in the middle of vortices of sea of burnt tobacco, her real picture and truely envisaged emblem clearly manifested before my eyes on the go. She was my companion, inseparable peer and never let go and I was like the commanding mastermind inclined her to join the faculty of medicine to keep intimately close together, she was acting out and taking after me, respectively I told her belligerently and coarsely that her hobby was a farce of trivia and never drove her to something, I was then coercive and reprimanding in scold against her will, I remembered that day she was hiding her crayons in the desks drawer, I befooled and deluded her to throw them away from the window, I was the sole owner of the rights to enforce her to study and memorize lessons, I was fondling her once and insulting her  other times in violence and deter, I was the only member for her coinage. Thanks to me, she became one of the well known doctors of her generation despite her morbid suffering and obsession along with audio visual hullucination, I managed to cure her of such ailment, I hide out her shortcomings and diffeciencies away from the eyes of surveillence to some extent we made a great feat and unprecedented success.
I didn’t want to mention all of that, however, she tended to stigmatize and deform my memory I loved and tasted and satirically she proclaimed her disturbance and wavering attitude and how come I couldn’t grasp, she mocked at my tobacco rolls she smoked in breath outs out of intimidation and panic tension after passing away of mom, she couldn’t change that fear during the time of joy on Alex sandy beach, the same tobacco roll she picked out one during the moribund throes of her departed father.
Why did she want to mock at me in contemptuous assault? Was I faulty when I granted her spacious room as she resorted to play with crayons again in front of me in ironic fearlessness.
Maybe that granted her much trust before complacency and serenity, before getting in shape with full recovery, anyway she was on her way and I had to let her face all the mob with her status quo, that wasn’t until I didn’t hear knocks on doors of my clinic for along time, the big mirror at the entrence I was fond of somehow as she liked to look at her reflection through in the evening. I kindled a favorite tobacco cig and I knew that time it was of no use and tangible benefit but it wasn’t bad at all, I should confront her now to defend my taste and passion, in the hope for living her life without her everlasting partner for the first time in lifetime.

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